When I was younger I lived under the assumption that if you had a mental illness of disorder it was just something you where born with. How naïve I was. It never for even a second occurred to me that I would one day be 21/22 years old and experiencing my first ever anxiety attack. Sitting on my bed as my heart hammered in my chest trying to convince myself that everything would ok. It was ok to walk out my bedroom door, it was ok to look out my bedroom window and nothing bad was going to happen to me.
And why was I in such a state? To this day I don’t know what exactly it was that set me off. if it was a dream or just my body having an unexplained anxiety attack but it was only the beginning. Suddenly I slowly began to notice certain things that id never liked doing anyway (part of it due to being an introvert) I would have to work myself up to complete things like calling to schedule an appointment or getting a phone call from a friend, even having to go grocery shopping. I wasn’t completely debilitated in my day to day life but it had definitely got more complicated and at times stressfull, but none of it bothered me as much as the thing that I now refer to as anxiety dreams.
I don’t know if there’s a medical term for it but I call them anxiety dreams. See when ever I have something out of my normal scheduled life like vacations or an appointment, or even going back to work after being away for a while, I’m guaranteed not to sleep well the night before. At least 2 to 3 times a night I will wake up from some anxiety inducing dream. Usually one will be bad enough that I have to lay in bed with my heart hammering away in my chest trying to soothe myself in some way, as my ration mind tries to calm the irrational part that is now full ideas as to what has woke me and why I’m so anxious. My anxiety doesn’t care that I know it was just a dream and nothings wrong I just have to ride out the wave until I can try to go back to a hopefully peaceful sleep.
I know they have medications that will help and I completely support anyone who has to take them. But thankfully it hasn’t got that bad yet that I believe I need them. Most of the time just being able to talk to a friend about it and have them just listen and tell me they understand makes me feel better.
I’d like to conclude this first by saying to anyone who’s mental illness that I ever unintentionally dismissed as a child I’m so sorry. And to anyone out there going through the same thing know your not alone and there are so many resources to help try and calm you through an attack. My favorites are slowly counting down from 10 and the 3-3-3 technique (Name 3 things you see, 3 you hear and move and say 3 body parts). These both always seem to do the trick especially the 3-3-3 one, it’s like my brain forgets it’s supposed to be having a moment and forces on the ‘game’. Anyway thanks for listening to my crazy thoughts and also I am by no means an medical expert these are just my experiences and ideas. If you feel you need to please seek a medical professionals help.Thanks so much for reading I hope you have a blessed day.
-The Rambling Introvert