So I have a tiny confession, I have never had a serious relationship or been in love. Ever. Some people would say it’s because my natural aversion to normal activities like going to bars and attempting to make new friends that has kept any serious relationships from happening. But I think it’s a mix of never meeting the right person, never really wanting a serious relationship and of course my utter cluelessness when it comes to dating.
I will fully and confidently tell you I am a rather intelligent person and I pride myself on being that way. But when it comes to things of the romantic variety we might as well be speaking two different languages. I don’t understand flirting or dating for that matter. I mean I get the basics and the desire to find someone (your person) who gets you. I even think romance is sweet (at times) but, when it comes to myself I just have a hard time and not just because the idea of going outside and dealing with people sounds like some form of punishment. I think in this case my factual based personality is my absolute down fall.
I like facts. Facts are honest and straightforward and regardless of if you like them our not they are still facts. There is nothing subtle or misinterpretable about them. And that’s basically me honest and straightforward. So dating tends to throw me off my game.
I mean dating is in my personal experience being the ‘best version’ of yourself for an extended period of time. I don’t know how to do that, my best version is trying not to say fuck in the middle of most of my sentences and actually do something with my hair. So chances are your getting my filthy fucking mouth (and at times mind) and hair that’s either in some ponytail or looks like I rolled out of bed and ran my fingers through my hair, but hey my clothes will be clean and there’s a high chance I showered for it so at least I’ll smell nice. Basically your getting ‘home Brittany’ but outside and in nicer clothes.
But my real problem isn’t the dating. I can for the most part awkwardly make my way through that without truly embarrassing myself. It’s the subtleness of flirting that it my real Achilles heel. I can count numerous times that a guy has done everything but take me by the hand and say, “I like you, I would like to take you out,” and I haven’t got it. To me he was just a nice guy walking me to the bus stop or carrying my bag for me to my next class. And boy wasn’t just the sweetest friend for buying me a piece of jewelry that I had been admiring for months. I can hear you all collectively rolling your eyes. Yes ladies and gentlemen when it comes to that kind of hint dropping I am that dumb.
And yes I suppose I could walk up to a person save us both the pain and agony of that song and dance and just say that I’m interested in them but this kind of leads to my final problem. I don’t know if I’m interested in someone until I get to know them. I don’t mean I don’t think their attractive until I get to know them, I can list a number of men who I find attractive but I can’t be sure I’m interested in them until I actually talk to them and that presents a whole new challenge because I’m a socially awkward, over thinking, introvert. Let’s take a glimpse into my crazy brain again shall we? Picture it me and you we’re at some social establishment. Now you see a cute person and you might find some way to let them know you’re interested and you two meet and chat and it goes from there, me on the other hand I see a cute guy and immediately start wondering if he likes book, is he a party guy or a homebody…on and on until I’ve basically tired myself out enough that I give up and go back to hanging out in the corner. Again this is the hell I live with every day.
So dear potential future dates can you please and I don’t mean to put anymore pressure on you but please save yourself and possibly by extension myself the irritation and agony and just tell me you like me, because that may be the only way to get through the craziness that is my inner thoughts. Thank you.
If you can relate to this maybe give me a follow or check out my other posts to see what else you can relate to or if you just want to share a laugh with an introverted nerd, because yes I do laugh at myself frequently. And maybe share a time you didn’t get that a person was flirting with you. Peace out.