I have a problem. It’s a problem I’ve struggled with since I was about 13 and it always seems to be at its peak in the summer. And that problem is if there is a freak in the crowd they will find me and when they find me they have one of 3 responses.
-She’s my soul mate
-We are going to be best friends
-She looks like a girl who will get the psychobabble that’s about to spill.
Now I feel like I need to clarify what I mean by freak. I’m talking about the people who make the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. The ones your pretty sure want to take your face and wear it as their face. Those are the people that seem to be able to sniff me out. I’m nearly 100% sure that there is a bright neon sign about my head that shines like a lighthouse lamp calling them over like a ship out at sea and all I have to say is I wish I could unplug the bastard from time to time.
I can hear you saying so what? Just tell them to get lost or you’re not interested. Well any normal well-adjusted person would, unfortunately I am not. I am a socially awkward person, who when faced with a bucket full of crazy just manages to grunt out enough noises to form something like, “oh..ok.” or perhaps and weak, “yeah.” Before walking, driving and if possible running in the opposite direction, praying that I blend enough into the crowd even for the briefs of moments to escape.
The handful of times I have been able to say, “no you can’t have my name or phone number.” Or, “I’m not buying the crazy your selling today.” It’s rarely fazed them in fact it’s like an encouragement to them. Maybe they’re like dogs and can smell my awkwardness. Maybe they’re mind readers and can tell I’m chanting, “please dear got don’t come over here. Did I accidentally make eye contact with you? Is this my fault? Gods maybe I looked at your shoes the wrong way. Please don’t come over here. Pay no attention the sign above my head. You’re not welcome here I don’t care what the sign says.” Whatever the case here’s hoping I make it through this summer with minimal incident.
Do you suffer from this condition as well? What’s the weirdest encounter you’ve ever had? I’ll share some of mine if you share yours.
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(Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash)